


beautiful and strange

by unsaved_misc



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: ADHD, Anal Fingering, Crying After Sex, Dirty Talk, Finger Sucking, Grinding, Light Angst/Comfort, M/M, Making Out, Smut, Teasing, dom/sub dynamic, this is a crackship and i am sorry!, wet dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:22:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23804566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsaved_misc/pseuds/unsaved_misc
Summary: “hey, ethan?”“yeah?”“you ever kissed a guy?”ethan felt blood rush to his cheeks, eyes widening slightly. was that real? was he imagining it? he watched matt squirt some pink soap into his hand, face blank as if he was asking something meaningless, like what temperature it was outside.
Relationships: Matt Watson/Ethan Nestor
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	1. arcade

**Author's Note:**

> im prefacing this by saying im sorry for writing this! it was a crackship fic just for fun and i hope u guys like it :’)

ethan, yet again, had lost at the ski ball tournament. he watched as eddy cackled with triumph and clapped him hard on the shoulder, jake cheering behind him.   
“damn, you really are bad!” he snorted, ethan putting on a fake giggle as his cheeks grew rosy. the place where eddy made contact with his skin felt hot, like it was sizzling, and he was sucked into the tunnel again. his hazel eyes danced over to the score above the ski ball machine, which was flashing a truly pathetic neon pink 250. he glanced over to the other machine, boasting a 670. dammit.  
“you’d think he’d be better with tactile shit,” jake commented, raising his eyebrows and his beer, where his pinkie was reflexively raised. ethan wanted to comment on how jake did very horribly at the basketball hoops game, but the quip got lost in the many thoughts that were circling his head. there were too many to pick from, too much all at once, and the most he could muster was a shrug and a funny face.

they seemed fine with that though, both going off on rants about how eddy’s biceps were impeccable. ethan was stuck there in the middle of it all, just standing, voiceless. it felt like he had no peripheral, like every noise was coming in simultaneously but one at a time. his tongue was arid and stuck in his mouth like a useless limb.  
“hey, ethan, you wanna try that weird wheel of fortune game next?” eddy poked his arm. it felt weirdly warm again, and he wished eddy’s hand would stay there.  
“yeah,” ethan tried to say enthusiastically, staring at each individual shape on the dirty carpet beneath his feet. there were squiggles and triangles and circles, each different varying shades of neon.  
he stumbled over his feet, following the two over to the domed wheel of fortune machine. he was fiddling with his fingers, wishing he had one in his mouth to ground himself, wishing someone could just pull him out of a stupor.

“oh hell yeah. daddy’s winning big money!” eddy shouted, jake adding a few “woops” in for emphasis. ethan just gave a giggle, fidgeting with the sleeves of his jacket. he felt like he was far off and distant, like he was watching this all on a tv screen. his mind was still, somewhat, on the ski ball score, the lights burned into his brain.

‘idiot, why aren’t you focusing?’

“ethan?”  
“what?”  
jake snorted.   
“i said, you wanna try?” eddy repeated, a smile on his face. ethan took a moment to process this, the two pairs of eyes burning into him.   
“n-no, i’m good. im not very skilled at managing my money.” there we go. a joke to make things seem like he was paying attention and he was totally fine.  
that managed a laugh out of the two, and he breathed a sigh of relief. now he could be stuck in his brain for a few more minutes.

he watched as the wheel spun, the clacking a little too loud. too many colors. he studied the numbers, letting his mind drift.  
“hey, is daddy winning some cash to pay for his children’s meals tonight?” a familiar voice poked into ethan’s brain. he felt a hand, warm and gentle, grab ahold of his shoulder. the spindly fingers practically oozed warmth through his shirt and into his skin. ethan turned, and saw matt standing above him. only three inches of height could make a big difference.  
“or do you need to pay your wife so she’ll give you that mad puss?”  
“hey, is that a game grumps reference?”  
matt snorted, and his hand gripped a little harder.

‘please don’t let go of me.’

“pfft, no. what kind of a man do you think i am? i’d never mooch off of arin hanson.” he looked back down at ethan, grinning, and ethan’s eyes went to matt’s crooked front tooth. it was cute, endearing even. ethan didn’t have enough time to stare into matt’s eyes when the boy let go of him, instead moving to jake and eddy’s shoulders instead. ethan let out a defeated sigh, but he could still feel matt’s warmth in the fabric of his jacket. his fingers grazed against it.  
he watched matt talk to the other two, how his mouth moved crookedly, how his blue eyes were lit up by the arcade machines. he felt a dull ache in his chest, and he wanted touch again. suddenly, eddy and jake moved along to another machine, and ethan wasn’t sure how long he’d been standing there. his hazel eyes followed them as they found a frogger machine, and when he looked back, matt watson was standing tall directly in front of him.

ethan felt himself coming back to reality for a moment.   
“hi.” he said in a small voice. matt’s smile perked up a little more.   
“hey. you okay?” he reached out again and ethan keened into his touch, involuntarily moving forward an inch. he nodded, adjusting his glasses. the warmth from matt’s fingers was distracting.  
“mm. i just noticed you looked a little...i don’t know. distant. wanted to make sure you were alright.” the words made ethan tear up. he swallowed, trying not to let his throat clog up. he didn’t know why, but matt sounded so considerate and sweet that it made him want to cry.

“yeah, i...just thinking too much.” ethan felt himself opening up a bit more, the world coming into a clearer view, and wondered if matt was the reason why. it took all his self control not to touch matt’s hand. matt nodded, chewing his lip.  
“don’t worry. i get stuck in my head a lot too.” he looked back at eddy and jake, letting his hand slide down to ethan’s bicep. he looked back.  
“i’ll keep you occupied.” he grinned. “i’m good at talking a lot.”  
ethan giggled.  
“i usually am too.” he said, and matt smiled brightly. ethan didn’t want to look away.   
matt’s hand pulled away from him, and ethan started to feel a tiny bit of disappointment when slender fingers tapped his palm.

he looked into matt’s shiny blue eyes, an expectant expression on his face. ethan chewed his lip and let his hand slide into matt’s. like it was meant to rest there perfectly. matt cocked his head and stared at ethan for a few more seconds than he should’ve. ethan didn’t mind.  
matt tugged a bit and lead him over to a few more machines. ethan didn’t feel any shame or anxiety over holding matt’s hand, not even considering that anyone might be looking at him, that a fan might see him and post it. he finally felt like he was really here, not standing in the sidelines and stuck in his thoughts.  
“thank you.” ethan said softly, only loud enough for matt to hear. matt nodded with a grin.  
“of course, man. any time.” his hand squeezed around ethan’s, and ethan felt faint. in the good way.  
“oh shit! big buck hunter!!” matt screamed, causing two children to gawk at him with wide eyes, tickets clenched in their hands. ethan giggled as matt practically yanked him along.

ethan was feeling a little bit better about today.


	2. bathroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i couldn’t find a cool summary for this one my apologies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel a little better about this fic so i’ll post the full thing in small parts :))

after a few rousing games of big buck hunter, and a side by side racing game in which matt screeched about being cheated out of his tokens, the duo needed a pee break. matt took ethan’s hand again, ethan squeezing back tightly, and led them to the bathrooms. they were empty, surprisingly, and not too gross. ethan had been expecting worse of an arcade. he hadn’t had anything to drink, so he rested against the wall while matt undid his pants.   
“you feeling better, ethan?” matt asked him, not turning his head. ethan went to nod, but then decided on verbal confirmation.  
“mm hm.”  
“that’s good. i’ve been having a pretty good time with you.” the words made warmth bloom in ethan’s chest.  
“yeah, same.” he shrugged his shoulder as he felt his face blush. “i didn’t have enough time to talk with you when i was at the grumps’.” ethan could remember it clearly, entering the studio and seeing both matt and ryan working hard on editing a lets play.

matt looked up at ethan, and that was the first time ethan had met matt in person. and, the first time he’d seen matt’s beautiful eyes.   
ethan, admittedly, had always thought matt was attractive. a tall, skinny boy with dirty blonde hair, small freckles smattered in random spots on his skin, a crooked smile he was self conscious about but flashed nonetheless. and his eyes. ethan remembered a time when he was surfing youtube and watched a drunk drawing video, and he was entranced in matt’s eyes.   
‘gosh they’re so shiny and blue they almost look ethereal i wish i could stare into them forever-‘

“mm. i wanted to hang out with you for a while before then, just didn’t have the time.” ethan could hear matt zipping up his pants and he shifted in his spot, trying to get the puppy love thoughts out of his head. ‘what’s that all about?’  
“glad we got tonight.” ethan mumbled, face suddenly very warm. matt stalked over, turning on the faucet and running his hands beneath. ethan’s eyes watched the water dancing through matt’s fingers, then looked up to see him in the mirror.   
he was so cute.  
“hey, ethan?”   
“yeah?”  
“you ever kissed a guy?”  
ethan felt blood rush to his cheeks, eyes widening slightly. was that real? was he imagining it? he watched matt squirt some pink soap into his hand, face blank as if he was asking something meaningless, like what temperature it was outside.

“i-i-“ ethan stuttered, unable to find the correct words. matt looked at him through the mirror, and ethan felt like his knees might buckle.  
“shit. that was intrusive. i’m sorry-“  
“no!” ethan interrupted, and matt’s head cocked slightly. “no, it’s okay. i’ve kissed guys before.” matt nodded at the news, shrugging.  
“not, like, real kissing though.” ethan felt like he was rambling or making his case worse for himself, and crossed his arms, closing off. matt flicked his hands dry, stepping over to the towel dispenser. ethan tried to get a glimpse of matt’s fingers and chewed his lip.  
“i’ve kissed guys.” matt stated matter-of-factly. ethan hummed.

“i saw.” he smiled a little, still wondering why the hell matt even asked him this question. it made his insides feel warm, spreading heat to his fingertips, and he felt like getting lost in his head again.  
“i guess i’m an affectionate guy, what can i say?” matt said with a smile, turning back to ethan as he threw the paper towel away. there was a beat of silence.   
“matt?”  
“mm hm?”  
“why’d you ask?”  
it was matt’s turn to be quiet. he chewed on the corner of his lip, looking away. the light of the mirror shone in his blue eyes, looking like a bright sky. a sky that ethan maybe, just maybe, would get lost in. matt seemed like he was thinking deeply about his answer, entertaining every possible outcome of what he’d say. 

his eyes flicked back to ethan, and he felt his stomach drop. shining blue pools he wanted to soak in, staring at ethan with an intensity that made his hands start shaking.   
‘why am i so nervous?’  
“i know you’re curious as to why i asked, but...i think you should be a little more polite.” his tongue ran over his lip briefly. ethan stared, the words not processing correctly. he was overly aware of where he was, where his hands were positioned, the space between him and matt. he swallowed and began to feel a blush creeping up his neck. matt’s head cocked again slightly.  
“wh-what?” ethan choked out. matt took a step closer and ethan instinctively took a step back, shoe squeaking on the tile. he couldn’t look away from matt, how tall he looked, how he was foreboding but how it was fucking hot. ethan swallowed again, throat suddenly very dry, and his fingers twitched.

he would give anything to be on his knees right now. no care about where he was, about who would find out, about how he and matt weren’t exactly close. matt took another step forward, and ethan took a step back, his spine bumping against the wall. he let out a small noise, eyes flicking from the wall and back to matt, who was still taking steps forward. drawn out, long, in the silence. like he wanted ethan to be nervous.  
“you should be polite if you want to know, ethan.” matt spoke, finally standing still in front of the younger man. ethan felt his breath hitch, and watched matt smile. he noticed.

“i...m-matt-“  
“say, ‘please’.”   
the clarification brought shocks up ethan’s spine.  
“p-please.” he felt himself wanting to say sir, but held back, still nervous. matt raised his hand, bringing it up to ethan’s shoulder again. ethan blinked briefly, flinching into the warmth.   
“mm.” he stared down at ethan, almost unblinking. “i wanted to know because i think you’re cute.” he was smiling, genuinely, and it made ethan’s heart soar. it was strange, hearing this come from matt. the boy who’s supposed to be funny, a talkative goofball that’s never serious, had just called ethan cute in the middle of an arcade bathroom.

“thanks.” ethan said, all he could muster in the moment. his thoughts were a tidal wave, unable to think straight or come up with anything clever. matt continued to smile his pretty smile, however.  
his skinny fingers traveled up to ethan’s cheek, and ethan leaned into matt’s hand, just the tiniest bit.  
“can i kiss you?” matt said, his voice barely above a whisper, scratchy. ethan took in a shaky breath, exhaling through his mouth, hazel eyes scanning the freckles on both of matt’s cheeks.   
“mm hm.” ethan’s voice was small, smaller than he expected it to come out. matt leaned forward, his head tilting, eyes closing, and ethan let himself go.

pretty soft lips touched his, tasting like chapstick and root beer. they were warm, comfortable, and confident, but they held a feeling of hesitance. matt didn’t want to scare ethan away, like he might’ve been a frightened deer in headlights, but ethan didn’t want to back off. he leaned forward, barely noticeable, hands shaking lightly, and matt’s other hand came to his cheek. ethan felt heat coming off of matt’s hands in waves, a contrast from his skinny and cold appearance. their lips broke apart briefly for air, and ethan felt like he wanted more. he tilted his head further, allowing matt more space to work with, and sighed contentedly. it felt soothing.  
they kissed deeply for a moment, unaware of the slightly dirty public bathroom they were in, or how a random guy walked in but immediately walked out for their privacy.

it was just them, together. matt shifted for a moment, and ethan could feel his tongue teasing at his bottom lip. ethan inhaled and flinched at the feeling, and a breath of air came from matt as he chuckled. ethan was unsure, but parted his lips, curious for the feeling. matt was gentle, tongue tentative but exploring fully after a few seconds. ethan felt one of the hands move to his hip and he sighed again, breathier. matt smirked against his lips, licking up the side of ethan’s tongue. ethan flinched, hands shakily going to the belt hoops on matt’s pants. his cheeks were warm, his hands were warm; everything felt warm and complete.   
like when his hand felt perfect in matt’s, it felt perfect to be kissing matt and worked by his tongue. he tilted his head down, sucking on ethan’s lip, and the younger let out a tiny whine. it was unexpected, and ethan wanted nothing more than to run away and sob with embarrassment, but he was in love with this feeling.

“touchy, aren’t you?” matt’s voice didn’t come out as a growl, but it sounded close. ethan couldn’t respond, couldn’t think, not wanting this to end.   
and, like he was reading ethan’s mind, matt pulled away like the devious fuck he was. ethan whimpered at the loss of contact, fingers touching at his wet, red lips. matt, lips bright pink, grinned and bit his lip.  
“let’s go play donkey kong. i still have some leftover tokens.” he winked, letting those bright blue eyes linger for a second, and he left. ethan stood speechless, fingers still pressed to his lips. 

was he dreaming?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed!


	3. at home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he swore he could still feel his lips buzzing from when matt kissed him. he stared at the passing cars, the multiple buildings, and wondered what it all meant.

after a few rousing games of donkey kong, pacman, and street fighter, matt took ethan home to his apartment. ethan was quiet in the uber, not sure what to say now that they were completely alone again. matt looked unbothered, however, making polite conversation with the very talkative driver. ethan watched the line of his jaw, how his tongue stuck between his teeth sometimes when he paused, and wanted nothing more than to suck bruises into his skin. he swore he could still feel his lips buzzing from when matt kissed him. he stared at the passing cars, the multiple buildings, and wondered what it all meant.  
was matt just showing him what a kiss that went all the way felt like? was it just for fun? would it happen again, tonight even? it was too much to think about and too many questions to ask. matt would look back at him occasionally, smiling, and ethan wished matt would just hold his hand again.

they reached the apartment fairly quickly, matt fumbling with his keys and muttering a swear. they entered the apartment, slightly messy but overall comforting. it was mainly dark except for the soft blue glow coming from the tv. ethan felt a soft mass rub against his leg, and looked down to see banana purring against him.  
“aww, hi.” he leaned down and petted banana’s head, who closed his eyes in joy.   
“don’t pay any attention to him, he’s an attention whore.” matt joked, setting his keys down on a table beside them. ethan looked up to see ryan on the couch, lego laying sleepily in his lap. ryan smiled and waved, and ethan did the same.  
“hey, ryan, brought my slut home with me.”  
ethan tried to act like that hadn’t set sparks off in his stomach. he felt his face blush and was glad the room was dark.  
“that’s fine with me, just don’t leave cum on the sheets.” matt chuckled and guided ethan inside, taking him into his room. 

ethan glanced at the piano laying against the wall, the desk with neatly stacked games, the simple but cute decor. matt’s room was an inner look past all of the comedy, into his deeper self, and ethan really wanted to get to know that side of him. maybe he’d be able to. matt picked up his macbook off of his desk, plopping onto the bed and patting the spot beside him.  
“what’re we thinking?” he asked, ethan shyly sitting down next to him. he chewed his lip and watched matt’s slender fingers entering his password and clicking onto netflix.  
“i heard that sharks 3d is utterly beautiful.” he said with a grin. matt shrugged up his shoulders and put a considerate expression on his face.  
“sounds like a masterpiece to me.”  
“you know that any shark movie on netflix is.”   
matt searched it up and put the movie on, the lights in the room dim, and ethan was suddenly overly aware of how close matt’s body was to his.

he could make a move at any time, but he was weirdly nervous. even if they were making out more than half an hour ago in a public restroom, ethan still felt like he was too keen for wanting to kiss again. but, in a tender motion, he felt matt’s fingers graze lightly against his shoulder. ethan looked up at matt, who was entranced in the movie, and sidled up against him. matt didn’t look at him, but a small smile lit up his face and his thumb stroked ethan’s shoulder gently. he leaned in close, smelling in matt’s cologne, and immediately felt sleepy. he felt his eyelids starting to droop as he watched a man get eaten by a shark on screen, and he let sleep take him.   
he felt safe.

-

ethan was resting lightly, mumbling little things in his sleep. matt looked down at him with a tender smile before getting up and putting his macbook away, flicking off the lights with a swipe of his finger. he laid back down and felt ethan sidling up to him, and he put a slender arm around him in turn. he was asleep in seconds, staring up at the popcorn ceiling and drifting away to blackness.


	4. in bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he felt slightly stupid for debating this high school-esque bullshit, but matt was that kind of person; once he had a crush, he was lovesick. but was ethan even a crush? was he just some pretty boy that matt wanted to fuck? or was he boyfriend material?

matt woke up, dazed, in the blue dark of his bedroom. he was sore in his left arm, dull aching with his hand somewhat asleep. he wiggled his fingers and blinked his eyes a few times, eyes flicking over to the alarm clock. 2:20, it read. he huffed a sigh and tried to regain feeling in his arm, looking over to see a sleeping ethan lying on his chest. his eyes widened as the memories of 3 hours ago came back to him, but he didn’t feel annoyed, or upset. he felt content. his blue eyes scanned over ethan’s face, the curve of his nose, the way his pretty lashes laid across his cheeks. he was so, so, so beautiful.   
ethan didn’t know it, but matt watched his videos often. always wanted to talk with him but was too shy to hit send on those messages he typed out, chewing his bottom lip as he considered it.

it felt boyish, like a crush, but matt couldn’t help it. as he stared down at ethan, taking in every feature, he had a sudden fear that they wouldn’t talk much after this. yes, he made out with him heavily, and yes, they were sleeping together in matt’s bed, but matt just had that insecurity. when he left the bathroom, he felt cocky for leaving ethan hanging, but a bit of guilt followed. he left ethan wondering about what happened, about what they’d do next. the mystery of it was a thrill, true, but matt wasn’t sure ethan would even want more. his brain was conflicted, thinking of ethan’s little whines and his tongue in matt’s mouth, but thinking about those pretty hazel eyes lingering on him at every chance he got.

he let out a sigh, listening to the overhead fan’s calming tone. it was a lot to consider. he felt slightly stupid for debating this high school-esque bullshit, but matt was that kind of person; once he had a crush, he was lovesick. but was ethan even a crush? was he just some pretty boy that matt wanted to fuck? or was he boyfriend material? matt blinked, taking in a deep breath. 

“mmm,” ethan hummed in his sleep, shifting against matt’s side. matt looked down at him, cocking his head. ethan’s face was screwed up, eyes squeezed shut tight, gripping tightly onto the fabric of matt’s shirt. he looked even more adorable, truth be told.  
ethan shifted again, his leg slinging over matt’s, but matt appreciated the closeness. he stroked ethan’s shoulder with his thumb once again, hand now regaining feeling, and watched his face. he hummed again, this time sounding strained, and adjusted himself.  
“p-please,” he mumbled, grabbing matt’s shirt tighter. matt stared down at him in concern, brow furrowed, wondering if he was starting to have a nightmare. matt felt a small jolt of confidence in knowing that he’d be there to comfort ethan from the nightmare if he woke up, and wasn’t sure why he felt so enlightened by it.

matt watched him, drawing small circles with his thumb, wondering if it was a wise time to wake him up. ethan’s hips moved forward, soft yet jerkily, and mumbled something.  
“please, matt, please...” his voice was trembling, hands shaking with how tightly they were gripping. his hips moved back and snapped forward again, and his face nuzzled further into matt’s chest.

oh. so it was that kind of dream.

matt felt stiff, frozen, no idea what to do with ethan grinding against his thigh while he slept. his voice was mumbling little whines, occasional words, drooling onto matt’s t-shirt. matt couldn’t believe ethan was having a dream, that kind of dream, about him. and on top of him, in matt’s bed. matt never ever expected that this would happen, not in a million years, and his mind was starting to race as he felt something hard rutting up against his leg.  
was ethan going to wake up? would he just stop in the midst of sleeping, lay still, and never know that it happened? matt swallowed hard, throat dry with anxiousness. for once, he was the nervous one.   
“r-right there, matt, mm...” ethan slurred, holding the fabric of matt’s shirt between his teeth. matt flinched, gasping, as he felt ethan’s leg rub up against his cock.  
“f-fucking christ,” matt swore under his breath, feeling his face light up in the dark. he watched ethan twitch but the boy still didn’t wake, shifting his leg again. 

matt flinched once again, begging to whatever god was in heaven that he wouldn’t get a boner. however, he could already feel the flush of heat in his stomach and his cheeks, slightly embarrassed. he glanced down at ethan again, wishing he wasn’t in the situation despite the small part of him that felt a rush of excitement.   
“m-matt, o-oh!!” ethan moaned aloud, drawn out and elevated, and matt had the sudden realization that ryan was sleeping in one of the rooms next to him. he could see it now: ryan staring at him over breakfast the next morning, glaring from behind his coffee mug. or knocking on the wall to get him to shut up. or, maybe even barging into the room with a very perturbed look on his face.

matt knew he had to do something. he easily could’ve just shaken ethan awake, gotten over the awkwardness of it all, and went back to sleep. but, sometimes, matt didn’t exactly think straight. ethan’s lips parted to moan again and matt moved, landing on top of the younger man with his hand over ethan’s mouth and his leg dangerously close to ethan’s dick. ethan’s lashes flickered and his eyes opened, waking up with a jolt, and matt knew he was screwed. ethan’s hazel eyes, still somehow shiny in the pitch black of the room, scanned across matt’s face as his breathing picked up. matt wasn’t sure what to say, staring at ethan intensely and trying to ignore the hard-on in his pants.

ethan attempted to say something but the words caught in his throat. he swallowed and started over again, words slurring a bit.  
“m-matt...” he swallowed again. “what’re you doing?” the question hung in the air, and matt licked his bottom lip as he considered how to respond. he could just say he was keeping ethan quiet because of the dream he was having. but, based on what matt had done to ethan earlier, and the sound of his name coming out of ethan’s mouth, matt thought about having a little fun with ethan. he smiled, teeth grazing his lower lip, and spoke in a quiet voice.  
“what you wanted, ethan.” his voice was stone cold but his face was lustful, doing the head-cock that he knew made ethan uneasy. in the good way. ethan blinked, and matt could already feel how hot the boy’s skin was beneath him.

and when he looked hard enough, matt could see a blush across ethan’s face. ethan struggled a bit beneath matt’s hand but it felt weak, unmotivated, like he didn’t actually want to break free. the look in his hazel eyes was telling. matt moved his free hand, capturing ethan’s wrist and pushing it roughly against the pillow. ethan let out the smallest gasp, almost unheard, but matt felt him breathe in beneath his palm.  
“l-let me go, matt.” he said, voice almost lilting into a whine. matt tsked at him.  
“mm mm. you’re being a little too loud, ethan. i think you need restrained.” matt’s hand gripped harder and ethan whimpered beneath him, eyelashes fluttering. matt felt a little more confident now, knowing that he had this boy in a messy heap beneath him.

in a quick motion, his knee pushed up against ethan’s cock, and the boy whines louder, arching his back up into matt. matt could feel how hard ethan was, and it just made him ache even more, desperate to get his cock out of his pants.  
“oh, hard already? is it just from me talking? or the dirty dream you had?” ethan’s eyes went wide. matt grinned, past the point of no return.  
“yeah. i heard you, moaning my name in your sleep, like some dirty slut.” the words made ethan’s back arch again.  
“i bet you like that i’m holding you down this hard, that you’re just getting off to my voice.” he leaned closer to ethan’s ear, biting the corner. “i can feel how hot your skin is, just for me. i know you want nothing more than to feel me inside you.” 

the words were like lighting a spark. ethan moaned, panting, thighs shaking beneath matt. matt almost thought he orgasmed just from the words, surprised, but ethan started speaking.  
“g-god, matt, i’m such a mess, i’m your mess,” he gasped out, struggling against matt’s hand. matt loved the feeling of ethan squirming beneath him, unable to control himself. there was a fire in matt’s stomach that craved him.  
“you fucking know you are.” he said lowly, under his breath. he moved his hand away from ethan’s mouth, grabbing hold of his other wrist.  
“i’m gonna play with you, ethan.” he hummed, kissing up the side of ethan’s neck. “play with you like you’re my toy.”

ethan bit his lip to lower his whines, legs squirming underneath matt and attempting to grind his knee.  
“needy, needy.” matt moved his knee away from ethan, earning a frustrated expression that he thought looked adorable.  
“got an idea for you, baby.” matt moved so he was kneeling above ethan, hands still firm on his wrists. ethan sucked his bottom lip.  
“mm?”  
“you wanna ride me?”  
the question was casual but the proposition seemed almost life-changing to ethan. the boy’s pretty eyes widened and he blinked a few times.  
“unless you don’t want to. whatever you’re comfortable with is cool with me.” matt said with a tiny quirk of his smile. ethan felt a tender softness in the statement, and his cheeks warmed with the feeling of importance. of being cared for and asked questions so he was content.

“i want to.” ethan said, voice tentative. matt nodded, smiling.   
“okay.” he removed his hands from ethan’s wrists and laid down comfortably beside the boy. ethan sat up quickly, almost too eager, but matt found it amusing. he positioned himself awkwardly over matt, giggling in the process, and was soon straddling his lap. matt looked down at ethan’s bulge resting against his and licked his lips, grinning a cheshire grin.   
“pants off, baby.” matt requested, beginning to shimmy his off himself. ethan pulled down his jeans but left his boxers on, watching as matt did the same.  
“and the r-“  
ethan interrupted matt by rolling his hips forward slowly, his cock pressing up against matt’s. matt flinched, stuttering his speech, and ethan smirked at his reaction. he didn’t think it was possible to fluster matt in the slightest, the boy’s demeanor so calm and collected like he’d planned this whole event out in his head.  
“did that feel good, matt?”  
“mm hm.” matt grunted.  
“i can do it again.” ethan proposed, and before matt could say anything, the younger slid his hips forward anyway. matt let out a breath, heat clawing at his stomach. 

“ethan-“  
“what?” ethan asked, grinding again with a small smirk on his face. matt looked a little different beneath ethan: a little more timid, tentative. like he belonged there.  
“y-you feel so fuckin’ good.” matt uttered out, his voice shaking. it was hardly noticeable, but ethan caught it.  
“do i? and you thought i was hungry for cock.” he teased, his hand slipping underneath matt’s shirt. his fingers grazed matt’s skin, feeling the goosebumps begin to rise. matt, usually talkative, was quiet now, biting his lip roughly.  
“matt?”  
“mmn?” the sound came out strangled, like he was hiding something.  
“you’re going to hurt your lip.” ethan’s fingers went to matt’s face, removing his lip from beneath his teeth. his finger slipped into matt’s mouth in a quick motion, and as he was about to pull it out and apologize for the silly mistake, matt reached out for it.

“w-wait.” matt stopped him, his fingers snaking tight around ethan’s wrist. he stopped, swallowing, before he pulled one into his mouth. ethan was a bit surprised by the gesture, but got used to it once he saw matt’s submissive face and heard a satisfied sigh from him.  
“you like that, huh?” ethan said, pushing in a second finger. matt nodded, fingers gripping harder against ethan’s skin. he let his tongue move lightly around the digits, his eyes growing dazed. ethan was entranced in the boy’s expression, how messy and soft he’d become instead of dominating.  
ethan pushed his fingers in deeper, and matt let out a moan around them. both of their eyes widened at the sound, going quiet for a moment to listen for movement. the house was silent, the only sound being the heating flowing through the vents. ethan let out an internal sigh of relief.  
“i g-gotta be quieter, i’m sorry.” matt said, hushed, pulling out ethan’s fingers and leaving a trail of drool behind. ethan shook his head.  
“hey, it’s okay.” his other hand was rubbing small circles on matt’s skin beneath his shirt.

matt paused before pulling ethan’s other fingers into his mouth again, sucking lightly with hollowed cheeks. ethan thought of that one silly face that matt makes in pictures, sucking in his cheeks and pouting his lips out, and he tried not to giggle. matt was getting very into it now, drool running down his lips as he brought a third finger in. ethan pressed deeper into his mouth and heard matt try not to gag, a small moan following behind it.  
“you really like choking on my fingers, don’t you?” ethan said, almost cooing, hearing another whimper and matt nodding. he pulled his fingers away, watching the trail of saliva. matt looked frustrated, blue eyes staring in the other’s hazel ones.  
“don’t worry.” ethan managed to slide his boxers down with one hand, quite spectacularly actually, with matt watching intently.  
“you’re going to watch.” ethan said softly, pushing a finger into his own opening. he clenched and whimpered, dom exterior going away for a moment. matt, even without verbal confirmation, knew that he wasn’t allowed to touch ethan or himself, and it frustrated him. however, ethan did look awfully pretty. 

his eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks as he added another finger, lips parted in silent moans that he knew he couldn’t give away. it made matt’s cheeks blush, fingers twitching, wishing he could just dick him down already. ethan let a whimper out and hid in his shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut. he continued the rhythm, moving in and out and eventually adding a third finger. he was breathless and red-faced by the time he’d finished opening himself, panting.   
“you look so pretty, ethan.” matt said softly, hands snaking to ethan’s hips. ethan smiled, eyes crinkling at the edges, and matt felt something ache in the center of his chest that he couldn’t explain.   
“thank you.” ethan replied, reaching to hold one of matt’s hands. he squeezed tight, adjusting himself so he was right over top of matt’s cock, and started lowering down. he let out a small whimper, hand squeezing tighter.  
“you’re okay, ethan.” matt said in a hushed tone, rubbing his thumb over ethan’s hand.

ethan nodded hurriedly, slowly letting himself settle against matt’s cock. when he finally reached the base, his thighs were already shaking from the tension, matt cooing reassuring words to calm him down.  
“so good for me, ethan. my good boy.” the pet name sounded like music to ethan’s ears, the boy whimpering at the sound and the feeling of matt inside him. it felt so full, so fucking good, he felt like he’d cum on the spot.  
“you okay, ethan?”  
“s-so much, f-fuck-“ ethan slurred, steadying himself with his hands on matt’s chest. matt nodded, reaching up and caressing the side of ethan’s face.  
“i know, eth, take it slow.” his fingers nestled into ethan’s hair, stroking it gently. ethan waited for a moment, patching himself up, before bucking his hips forward. 

he almost let out a cry, biting his lip as hard as he could. matt murmured a praise, pulling his hair lightly.  
“m-more, more, do that more,” ethan panted out, rolling his hips forward and back again. matt would’ve had something snarky to say, asking ethan to say please, but the boy was being such a good submissive mess that he didn’t say a word. instead, he yanked the boy’s hair again and earned a buck of hips in response. ethan started to get into a pattern of rolling his hips, then switching to bouncing lightly up and down, adoring the feeling of being used.   
“c-close,” ethan whined out, a hand covering his face as he gasped. matt shook his head, pulling ethan’s hand away to reveal his pink cheeks.  
“no, baby, i wanna see you.” 

ethan would’ve whined in protest but he was close, squeezing his eyes shut and letting his head fall back. his thighs began twitching, small whines sneaking past his lips, and matt leaned forward to stroke him through his orgasm. he could feel his stomach starting to twist, heat building, and matt let go of himself as he bucked up into ethan. he whimpered at the sensitivity, the orgasm almost too much for him, and tears began to stream down his face.  
“ethan, ethan, fuck, oh my god, ethan,” matt strung out his words, throwing his arm over his eyes as his chest heaved for air. ethan, who had come down from his high, slid himself off of matt’s dick with a wince.

“hey, matt, it’s okay.” he said softly, rubbing the side of matt’s hip as it still twitched upward. matt whined in response, keening up into ethan’s touch.  
“you felt so good, matt.” ethan praised. matt was quiet, letting himself relax for a moment.  
“i’m sorry for crying.” matt finally said after a while, his voice small, hands still shaking. ethan shook his head, laying against his chest.  
“don’t apologize matt, it’s okay. i do that a lot.” he continued rubbing matt’s hip gently, studying the creases of his shirt.   
“really?”  
“mm hm.”  
matt didn’t want to address the elephant in the room. the fact that he cried after orgasming at least 80% of the time, and how he considered himself feminine at times, even though he wasn’t supposed to be. at least, in his mind, he wasn’t. he was supposed to be a man, a man that had good fashion and wasn’t joked about as a fag and liked girls. but, his mind and his soul disagreed. he didn’t want to face the fact that he was chaotically bisexual.  
“it felt amazing, being with you.” matt said gently, feeling his eyelids starting to droop. it had tired him out.

“you too.” ethan leaned up and kissed his cheek, seemingly sending off sparks in matt’s skin. matt woke up a little more, blinking, and stared down at ethan. ethan was staring up at him with all of his attention, as if he’d do anything matt said, and matt felt overwhelmed. but in a good way.  
“you wanna wear some of my clothes?” matt cocked his head toward his dresser. ethan nodded, sitting up and cracking his back, the sound of his spine popping loud in the quiet room.  
“mm hm. i’m going to clean myself up a little first, though.” he winked and slid off the bed, padding softly to the bathroom. matt watched him go, and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well here is the final chapter!! i hope everyone enjoyed :))

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u enjoyed! please leave feed back :) also follow me on tumblr @honeybunwatson


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